Facts:

  • It’s been six weeks since I found her
  • She had set the alarm clock to get up for work
  • She had a cup of coffee by her bedside
  • She died in her bed
  • There was an open jar of peanut butter on her counter
  • There were receipts for gin on her counter, but no bottles in the apartment
  • She talked about suicide in her journals from several years ago, but not recently
  • She had thrown up
  • The medical examiner doesn’t believe she took her own life
  • She didn’t leave a will or a note

Things I’ll never know:

  • When she died
  • If she knew how sick she was
  • Why she didn’t call me when she was sick
  • If she heard my last phone message
  • If I could have saved her
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